Reflecting on 51 years

Today's my birthday...51 years of age.

I don't actually feel any older; in my head my age is stuck somewhere around 30 to 35...maybe even younger...probably even younger. My birthday doesn't mean much to me. It's just one of those things that comes around and ones family makes a bit of a fuss of you and I get a few CD's I've wanted to buy and an interesting book or two.

What I do tend to do though is get a bit melancholy as I reflect on what I've achieved, and more depressingly, on what I haven't achieved. Shattered dreams and all that.

And so it is again today...I had my life planned and mapped out and knew exactly where I'd be and what goals I would have achieved by the age of 50. By the age of 40 I was totally on track to achieve that. And then the last 6 years shit hit me and my dreams and goals all lie shattered. My business partner's view is that we both still have 15 years ahead of us to achieve those dreams, and he is right. But somehow that's no consolation to me on days such as today.

When you're 30, your whole life still lies ahead of you and those goals seem so tangible. By the time your 50 (or 51), the situations not the same any more. Goals not achieved start looking like they're not achievable and off course, you have the unfortunate situation where you know that they haven't been achieved.

So today is melancholy, sad and just a touch depressing.

Tomorrow is another day and as always I'll perk up and just keep fighting away to at least get closer to my unachieved dreams.