Sunday, April 09, 2006

Happy and content stage of my development

Over the past few days I've (for some or other reason) on several occasions reflected on my transgenderism (which is what's in my brain and heart) and my crossdressing (which is...well, which is dressing as a woman...lol). And I have to say that reflecting on where I've come from and where I've got really created a warm, happy and at peace feeling in me.

Yes, I'd love to be able to dress more often and go out for dinner and a drink with friends while dressed en femme. In fact I'd like to wonder around Paddington with my friends, window shopping and stopping for a coffee and generally just having a normal life...but dressed en femme. And yes, still not having told my wife about me and my transgenderism and crossdressing is causing me angst, discomfort and a level of unhappiness. But overall, I can't imagine being able to be this content and happy had I not developed my crossdressing and understanding of my transgenderism to this point.

Where is it heading? All I know is that I have to tell my wife...after that I think I'd be able to raise to a whole new level of peace, happiness and wholeness...the deceit will be gone and that will mean that our relationship is once more complete, totally open and honest and "whole".

I think the time for telling her is near...over the past three years or relationship was impacted by external environmental stresses We knew that and we knew that we'd get back to our "soulmate" relationship. That's pretty much happened and I therefore no longer have an excuse for not telling her.

Now off course, this may take several months!! My brain and heart knows that the time is nigh...my gut is not yet totally convinced and seeing as I'm an intuitive "gut-feel" kinda person, my gut makes the final decisions.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Good luck, when you get round to it.

Listen to her and make sure you set aside plenty of time for the whole exercise.