Stress turns into shopping mania

Whenever I'm highly stressed at work and under pressure, my mind takes me to one of three different places...actually my mind takes me to all three places but I get to chose which one I make use of to relieve the stress. Two of the "places" are a) get dressed and go out for a drink or dinner (or both) en femme and b) go shoppin!!! The third "place" my mind takes me is not a "healthy" place so I won't discuss that and fortunately I generally avoid going there.

So the past 4 weeks have been particularly pressurised and stressfull at work. Going out en femme was not an option, so instead I hopped onto eBay and other online shopping resources every few hours when my mind was in need of a break and my psyche in need of a recharged battery.

And did I shop!!
Most of what I bought was totally the wrong thing and its highly unlikely that I'd ever wear it in public...either not appropriate for my age or not something that I would ever wear in a normal environment. For instance, I got stuck on a fetish clothing site and ended up buying a short dress (very short!!) with a net frill at the bottom...unless I attend a fetish party (which is unlikely for the pure reason that I never go out en femme on weekends when any such fetish party may be held) I'd never get the occasion to wear it...and the fact that it's so short that my bottom is only covered by the netting, also make it unlikely that I'd be wearing it even if I did go to a fetish party...lol...silly t-girl.

I did buy a brown velvet jacket which I think is going to be gorgeous. Brown's not really my colour, but it was such a gorgeous jacket that I just had to have it. It's in the mail on it's way to me from the USA. That's a photo of it above.

And then I bought a Chinese red satin jacket...again have no idea when and where I'm going to wear that to. Then again there is a good chance that it's never going to arrive...I bought it for 6c...yes 6 cents...the postage is $22 and the compulsory insurance cost $1. If the item doesn't arrive, the seller will refund the cost of the purchase. Mmmm...so if it doesn't arrive I get 6c back?! And if it wasn't mailed in the first place, then the seller has made $23! Let's see whether this item of clothing is ever going to arrive. And if it does, where the hell am I going to wear it to?

My first and final items of purchase were two wrap dresses. I nearly had three!! I bid on one dress, then saw that the same dress was available for "buy now" at less than my bid on the first dress...so I took the instant "buy now" option and then hoped like hell that I'd get outbid on the first one...which eventually happened after 4 days. Phew!!

All I have to do before I can wear the (very tight) wrap dresses in public is either lose some weight around my waistline or get one of those waisty-cinchy-thingies that Cyanne has been trying to get me into. I tried on the wrap dresses this morning ("Home Alone"-closet-tranny-time) and it looks really cool with a pair of western boots that I've owned for 20 years. The boots are guy boots, but I think they work with the wrap dresses.

Also bought some jewellery from Gallery Serpentine. It's different...sort of gothic victorian...I really like it. Earrings and necklace and I'm now planning to get a bracelet in a similar style from the jeweller.

I need to get out there again...soon...otherwise I'll end up with an even bigger wardrobe.

Eye brow shaping at Sharon-Lee Studios

I had another new and interesting experience today. I went and had my eye brows shaped at Sharon-Lee Studios in Double Bay.
Beautifully designed and decorated studio.
And the beautician who did my eye brows was amazingly skilled. I'm sure they all are.

Today's visit was a cautious one. I just wanted to check out the lie of the land so to speak. Didn't do my usual "I'm a lady!" bit. So my brows were neatly and expertly tidied up, but from the perspective of them being a guy's brows. Next time I'll start getting a bit more adventurous and ask her to subtly create a more feminine shape...and arch if that's at all possible.

Anyway, made my week. I felt so good when I came out of there.

The woes of mature age bodies

Six months of over-work and business travel (which for me means lots of vodka martini's, other cocktails and bad eating) followed by stopping smoking (which means that I now drink alcholhol when I would previously have had a cigarette) has taken it's toll on my figure. I've gained about 8kg's over the past 6 months or so, and it has off course all settled around my waist.

I'm reasonable fit and my legs and butt still look good....but oh dear...this stomach!!! Horrors is all I can say.
And the waist cincher suggested by Cyanne is not going to help at all...it's going to have to be damn strong to have any success in the waist reduction department.

This past weekend I finally decided to take myself in hand and deal with the fat stomach. So after my long Sunday run, I set about doing abs exercises.

How did it go you ask? Well my dear, I managed to tear an abdominal muscle instead of exercising it. That's put a stop to my abs exercises for at least the next 3 to 4 weeks.

Yes, the woes of a mature age body.

(no photo being published of the fat stomach)

Normal chick doing normal things...Mmm, really?

Following on from the previous post, I also reflected on how "normal" my en femme activities are. In many respects that is true. I've progressed from the "lingerie-sexual-(slightly)deviant stage to a stage where I really love dressing as most normal woman would and where I dress in clothes that reflect my personality and ties in with my dress style as a guy...so yes, I love jeans and t-shirts.

As part of my reflection I looked at some past photos (one posted in this blog)and thought..."now isn't that just absolutely normal?". You be the judge of that.

And then I realised...would my wife spend an hour or so in the hotel room taking photographs of herself before going out to dinner? I don't think so!! So I guess I'm still not a normal woman...and probably never will be. But I am me!!

Happy and content stage of my development

Over the past few days I've (for some or other reason) on several occasions reflected on my transgenderism (which is what's in my brain and heart) and my crossdressing (which is...well, which is dressing as a woman...lol). And I have to say that reflecting on where I've come from and where I've got really created a warm, happy and at peace feeling in me.

Yes, I'd love to be able to dress more often and go out for dinner and a drink with friends while dressed en femme. In fact I'd like to wonder around Paddington with my friends, window shopping and stopping for a coffee and generally just having a normal life...but dressed en femme. And yes, still not having told my wife about me and my transgenderism and crossdressing is causing me angst, discomfort and a level of unhappiness. But overall, I can't imagine being able to be this content and happy had I not developed my crossdressing and understanding of my transgenderism to this point.

Where is it heading? All I know is that I have to tell my wife...after that I think I'd be able to raise to a whole new level of peace, happiness and wholeness...the deceit will be gone and that will mean that our relationship is once more complete, totally open and honest and "whole".

I think the time for telling her is near...over the past three years or relationship was impacted by external environmental stresses We knew that and we knew that we'd get back to our "soulmate" relationship. That's pretty much happened and I therefore no longer have an excuse for not telling her.

Now off course, this may take several months!! My brain and heart knows that the time is nigh...my gut is not yet totally convinced and seeing as I'm an intuitive "gut-feel" kinda person, my gut makes the final decisions.

April Fools Weekend

And I was a bit of a fool, although not an April Fool. I was a fool because I spent far too much time online. The weather was great, I could have gone for a surf, or sat at an outside cafe reading or chatting and drinking coffee...but no, I became obsessed with some totally unnecessary and worthless online activities.

Note to self - cut out the crap and spend your time on worthwhile activities.

Other than that, it was a good weeked. I was at peace for a change (other than for the aforementioned obsessive addicted behaviour) and everyone else in the family was also at peace and relaxed.

Oh yes, a friend came round for a casual dinner last night (Sunday evening) and she had a beautiful scarf round her neck. It mesmerised me the whole evening and for the first time I realised the extent to which a beautiful scarf can turn a very simple understated outfit into something very stunning and interesting. So guess what I'm going shopping for next!

Time for a change of direction for my blog? I think so.

I think it's time to change the nature and use of this blog. It was originally created to track and comment on my public outings and unusual experiences like going to exotic dance classes. That was great and I needed a space and place to record those.

That need however doesn't exist within me anymore. Yes I still love going out, probably now more than ever. There is however no longer any burning need inside me to talk about each time that I've been out. This is partly so because it has become more "normal" to me; and then I have to admit that my public excursions will probably be less often now that I'm travelling less on business.

What I do have a personal need for is a diary where I can ramble about my personal and inner thoughts as I go through the ongoing journey of discovery.
YES! for you 30-something youngsters who sometimes read my blog...at the age of 50 I've discovered that my journey has only just began and that most of my early (of age 20's and 30's) expectations and visions of where I'd be now and what I'd be doing have proved to be totally and completely wrong. Oh yeah and guess what...I may be 50 but I still feel, think and act pretty much exactly as I did in my 20's...although I do now have the benefit of some life experience.

Anyway, as usual I digress...back to my new blog...


Will this include thoughts and comments relating to my transgenderism? Absolutely!! Not a day goes by that I don't think about my transgenderism and my crossdressing (two separate things in my opinion). In fact I probably don't go for more than 2 hours without thinking about?

I am inclined to express my deepest and personal thoughts. I wasn't always like this; I use to keep everything to myself, but as I've uncovered my previously hidden transgendered side, so I've become a more open person. In the past I did have periods where I was a very open person and then periods where I withdrew into myself. My most successful times have been when I was open.

You will therefore mostly likely find this new direction to be very boring and irrelevant. That's okay, you may gracefully and quietly "disappear" from viewing and commenting on my blogs...I won't be offended, that I can assure you. In fact I probably shouldn't even be expressing my thoughts, feelings and ramblings in such a public way. However, I'll ignore my own good advice and put my thoughst and ramblings out there because something inside me needs to do that.