A line from a Ryan Adams song..."English girls are pretty when they play guitar". How true for all girls, not just English girls. As an ex-rock guitarist I find almost nothing sexier than a beautiful female rocker with a guitar slung across her shoulder. That's another one of my dreams...do a performance in a rock band dressed as Dee.
Don't believe me that it's sexy? Have a look at PJ Harvey (www.pjharvey.net). Not only is she beautiful (not your "pretty feminine girl" beautiful, but sexy rockstar beautiful), she's oh so sexy with her guitar...oh yeah and she's the ex-girlfriend of an Aussie rocker...ah yeah, and she likes short skirts, just like me...so how could I not aspire to be a "tranny-PJ"...lol
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Friday, March 25, 2005
Need help re Researching T-Girls roles in (probably) ancient history
Girls, in addition to my more crazy fun t-girl activities, I have suddenly developed an interest and need to research certain aspects of transgenderism. Who knows, maybe I'll even write a book*. What!! Dee be serious?!! Yes girls, I am actually capable of being a serious person.
The broad topic that I'm interested in (and for those interested in my ramblings, I'll try and explain below why this topic interests me) is what the role of transgenderism/transgenderists has been in past cultures and societies. I am only interested in "positive" roles in history, whether recent history or ancient. I have picked up a few anecdotes that suggest that in some ancient cultures t-girls were totally accepted by society and in fact in some cases revered. It's this area that I'm really interested in.
I'd really appreciate it if anyone (and everyone!) could point me in the right directions in terms of books to read or reference material or websites...anything that would give me useful material to read and research.
Please email me (see button below) or post a comment (see comment button below). All the help and direction and references source you can give me will be fantastic.
So why is this girl now turning her attention to some serious stuff? And why this topic?
Well, firstly I am growing up and maturing as a t-girl. And through that I've realised that I am now actually comfortable with the number and level of t-girl things that I'm doing and experiencing. These are:
a) Communicating with my friends. Whether this is talking to, meeting with, online chatting or emailing. And here I include t-girls and real women. In fact, this friendship area is one where I am starting to see the distinction between my t-girlness and the rest of me disappearing. Lets face it...friends are friends...and friends ultimately can't and shouldn't be compartmentalised.
b) Going out en femme. This is really really important to me and somehow I have to find a way to do this more often. I find that I'm balanced in my t-girl interests and activities when I get to go out en femme and express my feminine side in that way. If I haven't been out for a while, my mind starts taking me into the "dark zone" (which I'm not going to explain...I just know I need to stay out of that zone).
c) And finally and importantly, my exotic dance classes. This started off as a bit of a crazy thought and a fun thing to do. But it's developed from there. Firstly I can now see, in Bobbi's words, that it will teach me "sensual confidence". And I really want that...in fact I think everyone (male, female and t-girls) could and would in fact benefit from that. And then off course it is, or will eventually, teach me to have feminine movements and deportment. And finally, I am finding it fascinating to see that certain movements come naturally to females and are really difficult for my male body to do. I'm enjoying all these aspects of the exotic dance classes. Ah yes, and then Bobbi treats me like "one of the girls". That means a lot to me. That on its own would be enough reason to carry-on with the classes.
So, after all that rambling, what I'm trying to say is that I don't feel a need to push my boundaries any further. Sure I still have a lot to learn, but that will happen naturally through interacting with like-minded people...and that I'm doing.
So I don't need to push my boundaries further, but I am a Gemini...in fact I am in astrological terms a "multiplied or amplified or triplified" Gemini. According to my astrologer, he has never seen such a strong Gemini. And Gemini's characteristics lead them towards research, analysis, interpretation and teaching (oh yeah, and independently from being a Gemini, my "teacher" side is also amplified).
And the upshot of all of the above (or maybe it has nothing at all to do with any of the above...who really knows), is that I want to research, understand and interpret the roles that transgendered people have played in past cultures and societies. I am 100% sure that we would have had positive roles in many societies and I'm sure we would have had "priestess" or similarly revered roles in ancient times. I want to know and understand that, and then I'd like to research and understand what happened...why society changed it's opinion about us. And as I've said, maybe I'll then write about this and my findings. That "teacher" in my certainly has a need to educate society about us.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Footnotes"
* I've always wanted to go and live in Tuscany or Greek Island...actually I'd be perfectly happy with the hills behind Byron Bay...and write a book (yeah yeah, I know there's nothing unique or original about that thought), but off course never had an idea what to write about. Maybe this is it!!...LOL
The broad topic that I'm interested in (and for those interested in my ramblings, I'll try and explain below why this topic interests me) is what the role of transgenderism/transgenderists has been in past cultures and societies. I am only interested in "positive" roles in history, whether recent history or ancient. I have picked up a few anecdotes that suggest that in some ancient cultures t-girls were totally accepted by society and in fact in some cases revered. It's this area that I'm really interested in.
I'd really appreciate it if anyone (and everyone!) could point me in the right directions in terms of books to read or reference material or websites...anything that would give me useful material to read and research.
Please email me (see button below) or post a comment (see comment button below). All the help and direction and references source you can give me will be fantastic.
So why is this girl now turning her attention to some serious stuff? And why this topic?
Well, firstly I am growing up and maturing as a t-girl. And through that I've realised that I am now actually comfortable with the number and level of t-girl things that I'm doing and experiencing. These are:
a) Communicating with my friends. Whether this is talking to, meeting with, online chatting or emailing. And here I include t-girls and real women. In fact, this friendship area is one where I am starting to see the distinction between my t-girlness and the rest of me disappearing. Lets face it...friends are friends...and friends ultimately can't and shouldn't be compartmentalised.
b) Going out en femme. This is really really important to me and somehow I have to find a way to do this more often. I find that I'm balanced in my t-girl interests and activities when I get to go out en femme and express my feminine side in that way. If I haven't been out for a while, my mind starts taking me into the "dark zone" (which I'm not going to explain...I just know I need to stay out of that zone).
c) And finally and importantly, my exotic dance classes. This started off as a bit of a crazy thought and a fun thing to do. But it's developed from there. Firstly I can now see, in Bobbi's words, that it will teach me "sensual confidence". And I really want that...in fact I think everyone (male, female and t-girls) could and would in fact benefit from that. And then off course it is, or will eventually, teach me to have feminine movements and deportment. And finally, I am finding it fascinating to see that certain movements come naturally to females and are really difficult for my male body to do. I'm enjoying all these aspects of the exotic dance classes. Ah yes, and then Bobbi treats me like "one of the girls". That means a lot to me. That on its own would be enough reason to carry-on with the classes.
So, after all that rambling, what I'm trying to say is that I don't feel a need to push my boundaries any further. Sure I still have a lot to learn, but that will happen naturally through interacting with like-minded people...and that I'm doing.
So I don't need to push my boundaries further, but I am a Gemini...in fact I am in astrological terms a "multiplied or amplified or triplified" Gemini. According to my astrologer, he has never seen such a strong Gemini. And Gemini's characteristics lead them towards research, analysis, interpretation and teaching (oh yeah, and independently from being a Gemini, my "teacher" side is also amplified).
And the upshot of all of the above (or maybe it has nothing at all to do with any of the above...who really knows), is that I want to research, understand and interpret the roles that transgendered people have played in past cultures and societies. I am 100% sure that we would have had positive roles in many societies and I'm sure we would have had "priestess" or similarly revered roles in ancient times. I want to know and understand that, and then I'd like to research and understand what happened...why society changed it's opinion about us. And as I've said, maybe I'll then write about this and my findings. That "teacher" in my certainly has a need to educate society about us.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Footnotes"
* I've always wanted to go and live in Tuscany or Greek Island...actually I'd be perfectly happy with the hills behind Byron Bay...and write a book (yeah yeah, I know there's nothing unique or original about that thought), but off course never had an idea what to write about. Maybe this is it!!...LOL
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
My Dee-side has kept my psychy anchored and centered
I don't know whether any of you fellow t-girls have found this or not, but I've found that "being Dee" and exploring that side of me, has really helped to keep my psychy "centered and anchored" over the past 12 months.
The past 2 years have been very bad years for me from a career and income-earning perspective and the past 9 months have been particularly bad...and I'm not talking "slight-day-to-day-problems", I'm talking career death, sell the house, no income sort of stuff. I won't go into the boring details (see * below), but it did create a need and an opportunity for me to analyse and re-assess most aspects of my life and of "me". It's really during that process that I for the first time realised that I was transgendered and that it wasn't simply a fetish that would disappear or could be controlled.
If you've read my website, you'll know that I am really comfortable with who I am. But the amazing thing has been that it's discovering this side of me and expressing it through dressing up, having transformations and going out that I've been able to stay "sane" and centered. And some days it's really the only "thing" or interest that's kept me going. It's probably not totally a good thing, because there is no doubt that I spend too much time focused on "Dee" and my transgenderism. But at the same time it's created a calm acceptance in me of who I am. And knowing who I am and what makes me tick, has really helped me to have the energy to keep going forward. Things like having a transformation at Transfabulous, having photographs taken, developing a website, taking exotic dance classes...these have all helped and continue to help give me a strong psychy.
And then through my t-girl interests, I have also met the most amazing people over the past 12 months. People who are interesting, intelligent and great to be with or talk to. People who accept me and value me as a person even if I am transgendered. I can honestly say that I feel closer to my new friends than I do to most of my "old" friends. I hope I can maintain these friendships...some "real-time" and some are "online" friendships...for the rest of my life. All of you have been an enormous support to me in so many ways and several of you have played just the HUGEST roles in helping me understand myself and grow and develop as a person. And I love talking and communicating with all of you...I apologise for being an "email-pest" at times.
So here's to a "centered-psychy Dee" with lovely new friends who she will never forget.
But I now also need to restore the balance in my life. Without in anyway giving up either my Dee-friends or my interests in expressing my Dee-side, I now also need to bring back and refocus on the other things in my life that are important to me...my wife, my kids, my surfing, my music. So it would seem that, at the mature age of 49, I am finally ready to live as the total me. And with the right balance and focus, I know that my career will get back on track...maybe not tomorrow, but soon.
When all the elements are re-aligned, I'll truly be a happy girl and guy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
* About why I've been having such a shit 2 years career-wise:
For those of you who have any interest in this sort of stuff...I went to an astrologer and she was the first person who had an explanation for what I've been going through...a logical explanation. I was always a major skeptic about astrology (actually I didn't believe in at all). Thought it was mumbo jumbo. But I don't think so anymore. The problems I've been having after years and years of business and financial success, were starting to make me seriously doubt myself and my abilities. The astrologer was able to put it into a context and a logical framework that made me understand what was happening to me, and why. I've used what I learnt from her, and looked back at the previous time I went through something similar (25 years ago) and the same logic (planet and moon alignments) applied then. Mmmmm...makes a skeptic into a believer.
The past 2 years have been very bad years for me from a career and income-earning perspective and the past 9 months have been particularly bad...and I'm not talking "slight-day-to-day-problems", I'm talking career death, sell the house, no income sort of stuff. I won't go into the boring details (see * below), but it did create a need and an opportunity for me to analyse and re-assess most aspects of my life and of "me". It's really during that process that I for the first time realised that I was transgendered and that it wasn't simply a fetish that would disappear or could be controlled.
If you've read my website, you'll know that I am really comfortable with who I am. But the amazing thing has been that it's discovering this side of me and expressing it through dressing up, having transformations and going out that I've been able to stay "sane" and centered. And some days it's really the only "thing" or interest that's kept me going. It's probably not totally a good thing, because there is no doubt that I spend too much time focused on "Dee" and my transgenderism. But at the same time it's created a calm acceptance in me of who I am. And knowing who I am and what makes me tick, has really helped me to have the energy to keep going forward. Things like having a transformation at Transfabulous, having photographs taken, developing a website, taking exotic dance classes...these have all helped and continue to help give me a strong psychy.
And then through my t-girl interests, I have also met the most amazing people over the past 12 months. People who are interesting, intelligent and great to be with or talk to. People who accept me and value me as a person even if I am transgendered. I can honestly say that I feel closer to my new friends than I do to most of my "old" friends. I hope I can maintain these friendships...some "real-time" and some are "online" friendships...for the rest of my life. All of you have been an enormous support to me in so many ways and several of you have played just the HUGEST roles in helping me understand myself and grow and develop as a person. And I love talking and communicating with all of you...I apologise for being an "email-pest" at times.
So here's to a "centered-psychy Dee" with lovely new friends who she will never forget.
But I now also need to restore the balance in my life. Without in anyway giving up either my Dee-friends or my interests in expressing my Dee-side, I now also need to bring back and refocus on the other things in my life that are important to me...my wife, my kids, my surfing, my music. So it would seem that, at the mature age of 49, I am finally ready to live as the total me. And with the right balance and focus, I know that my career will get back on track...maybe not tomorrow, but soon.
When all the elements are re-aligned, I'll truly be a happy girl and guy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
* About why I've been having such a shit 2 years career-wise:
For those of you who have any interest in this sort of stuff...I went to an astrologer and she was the first person who had an explanation for what I've been going through...a logical explanation. I was always a major skeptic about astrology (actually I didn't believe in at all). Thought it was mumbo jumbo. But I don't think so anymore. The problems I've been having after years and years of business and financial success, were starting to make me seriously doubt myself and my abilities. The astrologer was able to put it into a context and a logical framework that made me understand what was happening to me, and why. I've used what I learnt from her, and looked back at the previous time I went through something similar (25 years ago) and the same logic (planet and moon alignments) applied then. Mmmmm...makes a skeptic into a believer.
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
En Femme on the hotel balcony
Well, I needed another "dressing fix". So I checked into a hotel this afternoon, did my face, got dressed and then spent a lovely afternoon chatting online to a friend of mine.
I think I've finally got my eye makeup right. Less is better!! Yes, I always heard that and knew that, but somehow always overdid the black shadow and ended up looking like Alice Cooper. Well, no longer...did it perfectly today. And that really was the main purpose of checking into the hotel...to do my makeup and relax without constantly worrying about who might come home unexpectedly.
A bit of an expensive exercise...one night's hotel accommodation...just to get some privacy and femme time. But I guess that's my punishment for being a closet tranny.
And then I got brave...felt like a cigarette, but the hotel rooms are non-smoking rooms. And I wasn't ready to get back into my bloke clothes yet. So in broad daylight, well late afternoon daylight, I left me room...fully made up and dressed in a short micro mini skirt, pink camisole top and high heels...and went and sat on the public balcony and had a ciggie. Watched the passersby in the road...received a few admiring glances from the bus passengers passing by...and just sat back and relaxed. Then back down the passage to my room. No-one in the hotel actually saw me, and that's probably just as well. But if they had, it wouldn't have been an issue for me at all.
Try it, it's fun!
PS. For info of the Sydney girls...I was at the Manor House Hotel in Darlinghurst...in case you were wondering.
I think I've finally got my eye makeup right. Less is better!! Yes, I always heard that and knew that, but somehow always overdid the black shadow and ended up looking like Alice Cooper. Well, no longer...did it perfectly today. And that really was the main purpose of checking into the hotel...to do my makeup and relax without constantly worrying about who might come home unexpectedly.
A bit of an expensive exercise...one night's hotel accommodation...just to get some privacy and femme time. But I guess that's my punishment for being a closet tranny.
And then I got brave...felt like a cigarette, but the hotel rooms are non-smoking rooms. And I wasn't ready to get back into my bloke clothes yet. So in broad daylight, well late afternoon daylight, I left me room...fully made up and dressed in a short micro mini skirt, pink camisole top and high heels...and went and sat on the public balcony and had a ciggie. Watched the passersby in the road...received a few admiring glances from the bus passengers passing by...and just sat back and relaxed. Then back down the passage to my room. No-one in the hotel actually saw me, and that's probably just as well. But if they had, it wouldn't have been an issue for me at all.
Try it, it's fun!
PS. For info of the Sydney girls...I was at the Manor House Hotel in Darlinghurst...in case you were wondering.
Saturday, March 05, 2005
Watch the kilo's drop off with exotic dancing
It's amazing what incredible exercise exotic dancing is. That's not the reason why I started doing it, but it's just a fantastic side benefit that I've discovered.
I've always hated going to the gym and haven't done so for about 6 years. Yes I'm fit...I run long distances every week. And because of that my legs are fit, strong and toned. But I've been struggling to lose this middle aged spread (or "tyre") around my waist. In addition I have too much body fat on my torso. I know it's caused by drinking too much wine...that alchohol and sugar just settles around my waist and on my back.
Since having my first exotic dance class two weeks ago, I've been practicing at home about 3 times a week for an hour. It's fantastic exercise and the sweat pours down my body. And off course I love the sexy moves! Looks sooooo fantastic in the mirror, especially with my hotpants or short pink dance dress on.
But the real benefit to me has been the fact that I've lost one kilo over the past two weeks, and all of it from my mid riff. So it looks like I'm slowly going to shake off that horrible stubborn fat. I can also feel that I am getting more flexible and my waist, pelvis and hips definitely have more movement in them than they did before.
So I can't be any happier about all aspects of my new found interest.
One of these days a "slimmed-down Dee" will be able to do a sexy dance show. Can't wait for that.
I've always hated going to the gym and haven't done so for about 6 years. Yes I'm fit...I run long distances every week. And because of that my legs are fit, strong and toned. But I've been struggling to lose this middle aged spread (or "tyre") around my waist. In addition I have too much body fat on my torso. I know it's caused by drinking too much wine...that alchohol and sugar just settles around my waist and on my back.
Since having my first exotic dance class two weeks ago, I've been practicing at home about 3 times a week for an hour. It's fantastic exercise and the sweat pours down my body. And off course I love the sexy moves! Looks sooooo fantastic in the mirror, especially with my hotpants or short pink dance dress on.
But the real benefit to me has been the fact that I've lost one kilo over the past two weeks, and all of it from my mid riff. So it looks like I'm slowly going to shake off that horrible stubborn fat. I can also feel that I am getting more flexible and my waist, pelvis and hips definitely have more movement in them than they did before.
So I can't be any happier about all aspects of my new found interest.
One of these days a "slimmed-down Dee" will be able to do a sexy dance show. Can't wait for that.
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