Delightful evening in front of the webcam

I had a great evening last week...chatting to friends and meeting a new friend (Hiya Ivy!!!)

I got dressed in my hotel room, had my "room service" dinner and then set up my new webcam and looged on to yahoo to see which of my friends were around. It was great...mainly great because I could sit and look at myself in my webcam window...lol...how's that for vanity!

It did make a big difference to me though in talking to my friends and knowing that they could see me.

Wonderful!!

PS. Yes, I've "perked" up since my last blog post...nothing like looking at my pics to perk me up.

They pic above is of me on the evening...in my "elle" wig...lol.
The photos say that it doesn't really suit me, but what the hell, I enjoy that look.

Reflecting on 51 years

Today's my birthday...51 years of age.

I don't actually feel any older; in my head my age is stuck somewhere around 30 to 35...maybe even younger...probably even younger. My birthday doesn't mean much to me. It's just one of those things that comes around and ones family makes a bit of a fuss of you and I get a few CD's I've wanted to buy and an interesting book or two.

What I do tend to do though is get a bit melancholy as I reflect on what I've achieved, and more depressingly, on what I haven't achieved. Shattered dreams and all that.

And so it is again today...I had my life planned and mapped out and knew exactly where I'd be and what goals I would have achieved by the age of 50. By the age of 40 I was totally on track to achieve that. And then the last 6 years shit hit me and my dreams and goals all lie shattered. My business partner's view is that we both still have 15 years ahead of us to achieve those dreams, and he is right. But somehow that's no consolation to me on days such as today.

When you're 30, your whole life still lies ahead of you and those goals seem so tangible. By the time your 50 (or 51), the situations not the same any more. Goals not achieved start looking like they're not achievable and off course, you have the unfortunate situation where you know that they haven't been achieved.

So today is melancholy, sad and just a touch depressing.

Tomorrow is another day and as always I'll perk up and just keep fighting away to at least get closer to my unachieved dreams.

Bad hair day !!!!

I've just looked at some photographs (self portraits, darlings) I took about 10 days ago. It was a lovely evening...in a nice apartment room in Canberra, first time dressed en femme since mid-February, nice bottle of red wine...perfect. Only thing that would have been better was to have had some friends there as well.

Anyway, looked at the photos and ...Oh My God!! Horrors !!

My grandfather used to say that photographs don't lie...I certainly hope they do.

My hair was a shocker...squashed flat after months in a suitcase;
My makeup looked like something out of...well out of "Bad Tranny Looks" (if there was such a magazine);
And my damn waistline looked (looks?) absolutely horrific...fat and shapeless.

So back to the drawing board for me.

I'm almost tempted to post one of the pics here just to show that I'm not lying...but I do have just a touch of vanity, so I'm not going to do it. Might post it in the future when I'm seriously drunk one evening.

God, this is hard work...all this beauty stuff.

Work, work, work...and beauty therapy for the (femme) soul

Work, work, work...that's all my life seems to consist of at the moment. It's actually getting quite boring; both the continual work and the fact that "work" takes up all of my thought processes...and the fact that I keep talking about it is also boring.

At least I have been keeping up my beauty regime and added a new therapy, namely regular eye brow shaping. In my head and being I am off course always transgendered, but I've had very little opportunity to physically express my feminine side through dressing (twice since mid-December)and going out (once since mid-December). I therefore really value and appreciate my regular beauty "treatments, which consists of leg, stomach and chest wax every 4 weeks and since recently, a monthly eye brow shaping at Sharon-Lee Studios.

Now if only I can get my life sorted out so that I can actually go out and show off the results of this regular beauty regiment.

Ah well, I'm sure it will happen soon...And in the meantime I'll just keep making sure that my bod and face is ready for when opportunity knocks.

Good times and disappointments

This past Thursday evening was my first opportunity to get dressed since mid-February. That means that I've only been able to dress twice since before Xmas.

I was back in Canberra on Thursday and Friday and I planned a relaxed evening in the hotel room, doing my makeup and trying on all the items of clothing that I bought on eBay over the past few weeks. My life's been very intense from a work perspective and because of that I decided that I wouldn't go out...just stay in the hotel suite and watch TV with a glass (actually a few glasses) of wine. Maybe pose a little in the various new outfits.

And it was a lovely relaxing evening. Nearly went out...that always happens to me; once I'm dressed I just have to go out for a drink.

The only disappointment of the evening was all the bad purchases that I've made off eBay. The wonderful velvet jacket (see previous blog entry for photo) is too small, the Chinese satin jacket did arrive and is beautiful...but waaaaaaaay to small (ladies XXL in China clearly means something totally different), leather skirt (allegedly from Spain) is gorgeous but doesn't come even close to getting around my waist....what else? There were a few other items that also turned out to be duds. At least the two wrap dresses do fit me, but I will have to do something about the weight I've managed to accumulate around my waist.

Looks like Transfabulous/Cyanne/Katya will be receiving a donation of clothes from me.

The contentment of getting dressed and seeing myself back in en femme mode was wonderful.