A Wake-Up Call

On Friday morning I was woken up with one of those phone calls that you just dread receiving. It was a call from a friend letting me know that a close mutual friend of ours had committed suicide the night before. I was devastated. He was the last person I would have expected to resort to such a drastic and final step. Always a happy, smiling, positive, healthy and...on the face of it...strong person. How sad that he felt that life had no future for him. How sad that he decided to leave behind a wonderful wife and two small children. And how desparately sad that I didn't know what he was going through and that I wasn't there for him.

Maybe I couldn't have helped him at all...but just maybe I could have. I've been there. I've been where he was, but for many reasons I was able to fight and withstand the demons and found the strength to continue and to recreate myself and my career and enjoy this wonderful life.

So many of us have failed him and his family. How many other people are out there right now that need our emotional and spiritual support? And how many of them are being failed by us, their friends and colleagues. This has been a real wake-up call to me...very very sadly too late to be of any assistance or help to Dan. I'm sorry Dan, I really am. I'm sitting here crying. I'm crying for you, your family and for me. I'm crying because for weeks now I've been meaning to send you an email to find out how you are and I never got to do that. And now I never will be able to.

I'm not a suicidal person. I'm a fighter, a survivor and I live this life to it's fullest extent. But I have had these thoughts during my darkest moments over the past two years.

I want to thank all the people who have helped me, without them even realising how much or that I was in need. I won't name anyone, but the people who I'm referring to are my "Dee" friends. The many wonderful people who know me and my TG/crossdressing side and who have all accepted me for who I am as a person. You know who you are...if you know me, Dee, in real-life or even if we've only met and chatted online or if you've met me in a bar/cocktail lounge and accepted and chatted to me, then I'm talking about you and thanking you. I know all of you by name and face...so I'm not talking about faceless strangers.
You have all been the most wonderful and coolest people I've ever met and known. You are the ones who didn't judge me by how much money I earn, nor by the status of my job (which was non-existent for most of the past 2 years) or my car or by where I lived. You simply accepted me for who I am as a person. You have no idea how much you helped by enabling me to feel and realise that I had an identity and that I was a worthy person even though my job title no longer started with "Executive Group CXX".

Thank you. You are all the most wonderful people and my life is richer for knowing you and counting you as friends.

And finally, let's all remember that there are many people out there who need our help and support. Let's not fail them.