Mmmm...so how did I end up with pink toenails and no-one is surprised? Easy. My daughter has a holiday job at a beauty salon and she insisted on using my toenails to practice her pedicure skills. I didn't complain or resist :) .
Saturday, January 29, 2005
Why do I have this need to expose my crossdressing to people?
Something I've been wondering about and contemplating for quite some time is "Why do I seem to have this need and desire to expose myself to other people as a crossdresser?". Sort of "outing" myself.
Now for those of you who haven't read my website, I'm a closet crossdresser. My wife, family and everyday friends and colleagues don't know that I'm a crossdresser. There is only a small circle of new friends, who I've met through the TG community, who know me as Dee. Is this relevant? Don't know, but it probably is.
So back to my need to "out" myself.
An example of this is when, a few years back, I decided to have some glamour photographs taken. Yes, I did want some nice photos of me en femme, but far more important was the need to be dressed as Dee in front of other people...being the makeup artist and photographer. And it was a fantastic experience to be "outed" in this way. Then there was the time I went to try on an evening dress. I was contemplating buying it, but again it was more the excitement of the shop assistant knowing that I was buying the dress for myself that drove me into the shop and had me trying on the dress in the changing room. Oh yes, and modelling it to the shop assistant!
Why? Why do I have this need and desire? I can't figure it out at all. It doesn't seem to fit the rest of my character (I'm actually quite shy and a bit introverted) and yet I want to do it constantly.
Maybe it's because I'm in the closet. That's the most likely explanation I can think of. Or is there some "kinky" part of my psyche that drives me to do this?
I certainly know that I also have a desire not to be in the closet. I'd love to be in a position to dress en femme whenever I felt like it and to always keep my body smoothly waxed and nails manicured and pedicured. In fact, in the perfect world, I'd dress en femme all the time. While I'd love to dress en femme, I have no desire to actually be a woman. I have no need or thought about transitioning physically through hormones or surgery. I just want to dress as a woman.
So, back to my crossdressing exhibitionism...is it my way of sporadically coming out of the closet? Or maybe it's my way of slowly progressing to coming out of the closet?
Mmmm...interesting! Well to me in any case.
Now for those of you who haven't read my website, I'm a closet crossdresser. My wife, family and everyday friends and colleagues don't know that I'm a crossdresser. There is only a small circle of new friends, who I've met through the TG community, who know me as Dee. Is this relevant? Don't know, but it probably is.
So back to my need to "out" myself.
An example of this is when, a few years back, I decided to have some glamour photographs taken. Yes, I did want some nice photos of me en femme, but far more important was the need to be dressed as Dee in front of other people...being the makeup artist and photographer. And it was a fantastic experience to be "outed" in this way. Then there was the time I went to try on an evening dress. I was contemplating buying it, but again it was more the excitement of the shop assistant knowing that I was buying the dress for myself that drove me into the shop and had me trying on the dress in the changing room. Oh yes, and modelling it to the shop assistant!
Why? Why do I have this need and desire? I can't figure it out at all. It doesn't seem to fit the rest of my character (I'm actually quite shy and a bit introverted) and yet I want to do it constantly.
Maybe it's because I'm in the closet. That's the most likely explanation I can think of. Or is there some "kinky" part of my psyche that drives me to do this?
I certainly know that I also have a desire not to be in the closet. I'd love to be in a position to dress en femme whenever I felt like it and to always keep my body smoothly waxed and nails manicured and pedicured. In fact, in the perfect world, I'd dress en femme all the time. While I'd love to dress en femme, I have no desire to actually be a woman. I have no need or thought about transitioning physically through hormones or surgery. I just want to dress as a woman.
So, back to my crossdressing exhibitionism...is it my way of sporadically coming out of the closet? Or maybe it's my way of slowly progressing to coming out of the closet?
Mmmm...interesting! Well to me in any case.
Monday, January 24, 2005
Welcome to my blog
I've been thinking about this for ages. Starting my own blog where I can record my thoughts, views, feelings and everything else relating to my crossdressing. Why? Well partly because I only fully came to understand myself, my transgenderism, my need to crossdress, and everything else relating to that part of my personal development, when I started writing it down. There is something incredibly powerful when you write things down...you can reflect on it, analyse it, explore the thought further and then I generally find that my thought processes gets refined until it's clear.
My intention is to record my thoughts on this blog. Some posts may be irrelevant and even boring to anyone other than myself. At other times I'll express my opinions on topics which are relevant to the transgender community, and there are many that are controversial and where I have an opinion. Or maybe I'll just talk about my music interests. I don't know. Let's see where this goes.
By the way, I'd love comments and feedback from anyone who reads my blogs.
My intention is to record my thoughts on this blog. Some posts may be irrelevant and even boring to anyone other than myself. At other times I'll express my opinions on topics which are relevant to the transgender community, and there are many that are controversial and where I have an opinion. Or maybe I'll just talk about my music interests. I don't know. Let's see where this goes.
By the way, I'd love comments and feedback from anyone who reads my blogs.
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