Fantastic week of Adventures

I recently read a magazine article that said that we nowadays use the words fantastic, awesome, wonderful, incredible, etc so freely that it's lost its true meaning in our everyday vocabulary.

Well, I've just had the most fantastic, awesome, wonderful and incredible en femme adventures in Canberra...and I mean that in its truest and fullest sense.

I had a week of going out every evening and met the nicest people and had a wonderful time en femme.

- Great cocktail bars...Trinity Bar, Hippo Lounge, Tilleys and Knightsbridge Penthouse
- fantastic live jazz at Hippo Lounge
- a wonderful evening of conversation, cocktails, dinner and more cocktails in the company of my friend Szusza
- really interesting and stimulating conversation with two wonderful people...the bar staff...at Knightsbridge Penthouse who had to throw me out at 3am in the morning
- oh yeah, and I locked my hotel room keys in my room and had to get a spare key from reception...while dressed as Dee!

A really fantastic week. I just wish that every week could be such a complete en femme week. Off course it was also a sad week as a very good friend of mine passed away at the end of the week under very sad and tragic circumstances.

Where to from here in terms of my femme-transgendered-crossdressing side? I know where I'd like it to go...if I had a magic wand, which I don't have. So instead I will be sensible and pragmatic and continue to enjoy these moments when my whole-self comes together as Dee. Sometimes, as has been the case over recent months, I'll get plenty of opportunity to express my femininity in a physical manner and other times I know I'll get very infrequent opportunity. There is no doubt that I'm the happiest and with a centered psyche when I can dress en femme and interact with people as Dee. Not that I want to transition...I know I'm not transexual and I know that I am and need to be both male and female.

At the end of the day we need to live our lives in a way that's practical, pragmatic and takes into account the needs and wishes of the loved ones around us. So many people live selfish, self-centered lives. That's not the way to live our lives...the people around and with us are so important and we must never forget that. For me, this means that I can only occasionally dress en femme as my wife and kids need a husband and father. I'm happy with that. That's what I want above all else. I do off course realise that this "pragmatic-approach" is only possible because I actually have a need to be both male and female...my opinion and decisions would have been totally different if it had been essential for me to live my live 24/7 as a woman.

For those interested in the complete blow-by-blow story of the week's adventures...in typical Dee-style, which means long rambling inner thoughts expressed writings...have a look at my website (www.deefemina.com)under "Adventures". The relevant story/adventure is titled "4 Straight Knights in a Row".

A Wake-Up Call

On Friday morning I was woken up with one of those phone calls that you just dread receiving. It was a call from a friend letting me know that a close mutual friend of ours had committed suicide the night before. I was devastated. He was the last person I would have expected to resort to such a drastic and final step. Always a happy, smiling, positive, healthy and...on the face of it...strong person. How sad that he felt that life had no future for him. How sad that he decided to leave behind a wonderful wife and two small children. And how desparately sad that I didn't know what he was going through and that I wasn't there for him.

Maybe I couldn't have helped him at all...but just maybe I could have. I've been there. I've been where he was, but for many reasons I was able to fight and withstand the demons and found the strength to continue and to recreate myself and my career and enjoy this wonderful life.

So many of us have failed him and his family. How many other people are out there right now that need our emotional and spiritual support? And how many of them are being failed by us, their friends and colleagues. This has been a real wake-up call to me...very very sadly too late to be of any assistance or help to Dan. I'm sorry Dan, I really am. I'm sitting here crying. I'm crying for you, your family and for me. I'm crying because for weeks now I've been meaning to send you an email to find out how you are and I never got to do that. And now I never will be able to.

I'm not a suicidal person. I'm a fighter, a survivor and I live this life to it's fullest extent. But I have had these thoughts during my darkest moments over the past two years.

I want to thank all the people who have helped me, without them even realising how much or that I was in need. I won't name anyone, but the people who I'm referring to are my "Dee" friends. The many wonderful people who know me and my TG/crossdressing side and who have all accepted me for who I am as a person. You know who you are...if you know me, Dee, in real-life or even if we've only met and chatted online or if you've met me in a bar/cocktail lounge and accepted and chatted to me, then I'm talking about you and thanking you. I know all of you by name and face...so I'm not talking about faceless strangers.
You have all been the most wonderful and coolest people I've ever met and known. You are the ones who didn't judge me by how much money I earn, nor by the status of my job (which was non-existent for most of the past 2 years) or my car or by where I lived. You simply accepted me for who I am as a person. You have no idea how much you helped by enabling me to feel and realise that I had an identity and that I was a worthy person even though my job title no longer started with "Executive Group CXX".

Thank you. You are all the most wonderful people and my life is richer for knowing you and counting you as friends.

And finally, let's all remember that there are many people out there who need our help and support. Let's not fail them.